Somebody get these assholes some sparkles and a bottle of TruBlood.
This guy was a contestant on the Dating Game in the 80s, in between killings. Seriously, this stuff just gets handed to me.
According to predictions by Ian Pearson, one of Britain’s leading scientists, all sorts of science-fictiony stuff is within our grasp, or at least that of our children. Here are some of the highlights:
- ‘If you draw the timelines, realistically by 2050 we would expect to be able to download your mind into a machine, so when you die it’s not a major career problem,’
- ‘We’re already looking at how you might structure a computer that could possibly become conscious… it would definitely have emotions – that’s one of the primary reasons for doing it.’
- ‘… it’s possible to think of a smart yoghurt some time after 2020 or 2025, where the yoghurt has got a whole stack of electronics in every single bacterium. You could have a conversation with your strawberry yogurt before you eat it.’
- ‘…Chips will come small enough that you can start impregnating them into the skin…You could even build in cellphones and connect it to the network, use it as a video phone and download videos or receive emails.‘
Now, if human consciousness downloaded into a machine, machines with emotions and subcutaneous microchips aren’t enough to make you fear the future, the talking yogurt oughtta do it. Though I’m not sure if I’m unnerved more by the idea of my food talking to me or by all the things that can go wrong with introducing smart bacteria into your fucking body.
Remember Zoltan, he of the robot girlfriend? A former NASA engineer has designed a new peripheral for him to beta-test. I give you… the RealTouch Teledildonic Treadmill! You connect it to your computer via USB and it syncs with various porn videos.
I’ll leave it up to you as to whether the horror stems more from the thought of what would happen if this thing malfunctioned or from the fact that the company actually lets you RETURN it within 30 days if you’re not um… satisfied. [website – NSFW]
Been a while since I’ve trotted out some Real-Life Horror for ya’ll, but I saw two things on the news that kind of fit together, so here goes.
- A 77-year old Missouri man and his four sons are being investigated after being accused of crimes against several children from 1988-95, to include making a female relative bang a dog. Nasty. I could think of a lot of fun things to do to those sick rednecks if they’re found guilty, but I’m sure none of them could scratch the surface of what they’re being accused of putting those kids through.
- Woman gets her face eaten off by a chimp, who had been diagnosed with Lyme disease and who had been given Xanax by its owner. This happened back in February, but I didn’t hear about it until yesterday, when I caught the Oprah show. Don’t click on that link if you get sick easily; her face looks awful… no eyes, nose or jaw. The poor woman can’t even shoot herself (and honestly, that’s what I’d do in her shoes… I just ain’t that strong) because she lost her hands in the attack, too. It’s a shame it happened to her instead of the obviously disturbed woman that owned the damned thing.
I feel bad for the victims involved, but tell me you couldn’t get a damned-good horror novel out of either of these. Until next time!
I swear that gave me chills more than just about any horror fiction I’ve read.
What I want to know is why this piece of shit is still sucking wind. I can’t even imagine what that little boy is going through. I’m not anyone’s idea of a touchy-feely kinda guy, but I just want to find that little guy, snatch him up and hold him. I hope his Daddy has a horrible accident, real soon.
Disgruntled 30-year employee calls a bomb threat into the school:
Srsly? Well, I don’t mean to be prophetic, but since I didn’t see this coming (and yet, come it did), how long before our children’s educators don trenchoats and start sawing off shotgun barrels?
Maybe this kid had the right idea, after all:
(Author’s note: the event reported in that second article occurred in my hometown. We keep it gangsta in Rochester; don’t get it twisted.)
And I’ve been called a crazy fascist for thinking people should have to be licensed to have children.
Just saw this on the news. Jesus. With shit like this going on, it’s a wonder there’s a market for horror fiction. They should mutilate this guy on pay-per-view and put the money in an interest-bearing account until the girl and her kid go to college.